How to cope with emotions?

Our experience tells us all what emotions are. They are defined, however, as temporary affective states caused by a stimulus, we all feel them, we all feel them a lot. But how to distinguish normal, healthy emotional states from those which are more dangerous? When is the time to seek advice?

All emotions are carriers of specific information and have a purpose they fulfil. The task of emotions is twofold. On the one hand they can inhibit our actions (negative emotions); however, they can also stimulate us to carry on with an activity or maintain contact with what caused the emotion first place. Let us deal with the concept of bad emotions. All emotions are healthy and natural, there are no bad emotions. As far as no one has ever complained about the surplus of happiness; anxiety, anger and sadness cause great consternation. Sometimes making you feel like a cast away.

Let us look at three emotions which cause the most problems. Let us also try to draw a boundary between healthy and dangerous intensity of these emotions. The three emotions are anxiety, sadness and anger.

Anxiety

As is the case with other emotions the intensity of anxiety varies. Natural anxiety is usually adequate to the circumstances. That type of anxiety is not excessive and is temporary. Destructive anxiety, on the other hand, is overblown, long-lasting and inadequate to the situation. To help you better define how intense your anxiety is and whether you should seek advice, you should familiarise yourself with the scale below.

Bourne’s anxiety scale

Intensity:                                             Symptoms:

Low Anxiety                                         Butterflies in stomach; muscle tension; definitely nervous

Moderate Anxiety                                 Feeling uncomfortable but still in control; heart starting to beat 

                                                             faster; more rapid breathing; sweaty palms

Noticeable Anxiety                                Feeling uncomfortable or ‘spacey’; heart beating fast; muscles 

                                                             tight; beginning to wonder about maintaining control

Early panic                                            Heart pounding or beating irregularly; constricted breathing;

                                                             spaciness or dizziness; definite fear of losing control;      

                                                             compulsion to escape

Moderate panic attack                          Palpitations; difficulty breathing; feeling disoriented or detached

                                                             (feeling of unreality); panic in response to perceived loss of

                                                              control

Major panic attack                                 All of the above symptoms are exaggerated; terror; fear of 

                                                              going crazy or dying; compulsion to escape
 

Sadness

All of us feel sad from time to time. We feel the lack of energy to do anything. Bad mood is a natural, inevitable part of human life. Often, however, it is difficult to tell whether the line has been crossed, whether ‘the blues’ have turned into depression. The difference between the blues and depression is that the first are temporary and usually are a response to recent events and the stress caused by those events. It is not a pleasant state but it is not something unusual. Gloom, sadness, ‘the blues’ – they are sporadic and mild states. Depression, on the other hand, is a disease entity which meets certain medical criteria. Laziness is not the issue here, nor is depression only in the head. It is a serious condition of the whole organism, its underlying causes are biochemical and emotional. Typical symptoms of depression are sadness, crying, constant tiredness, loss or increase in appetite, decrease in sexual drive, problems with concentration, the feelings of meaninglessness and hopelessness, fears, worries, etc.

If not treated (which unfortunately happens quite a lot), depression may cause a lot of serious problems. Most importantly people affected with depression get used to the deterioration of their mood and they no longer perceive their condition as an illness. They grow more and more dissatisfied with themselves; they feel overpowered, less confident, helpless and afraid. Intensification of all of the above might even lead to suicidal attempts.

Evaluation of the intensity of depression:

Intensity of Depression:                            Symptoms:

Mild                                                            Low spirits, apathy, tiredness, decreased interest in things

                                                                  enjoyed normally, some difficulties in performing daily duties,

                                                                  bad mood occurring from time to time. Functioning in

                                                                  everyday life may be more difficult but is not disrupted.

Moderate                                                   Intensification of all symptoms from the previous stage;

                                                                  crying, worries, regular activities begin to be difficult to

                                                                  perform, tiredness, anxiety, social problems, eating

                                                                  disorders, sleeping problems, memory and concentration

                                                                  problems, sexual problems, persisting periods of sadness

                                                                  occasionally easing off. Increased susceptibility to illnesses.

                                                                  Irritability. The feeling of hopelessness.

Acute                                                         Intensification of all symptoms from the two previous

                                                                  phases. Functioning is reduced to minimum or totally

                                                                  disrupted, suicidal thoughts, suicidal attempts, 

                                                                  despondency.
 

Anger

We all get angry sometimes. However, when you react to stress and frustration by screaming, hitting, throwing or destroying objects, or if your temperament negatively affects your relationships with people, you might have problems with your anger. Look closely at the forms of anger and see how hot do you get on the Thermometer of anger.

The thermometer of your anger:

Degrees Centigrade
Level of anger
Symptoms:

0 – 15
Low level of anger
You might not be aware of your anger because you cannot feel any of its physical symptoms. Beware, however, of indirect anger. That you do not shout does not mean you do not express your anger. Sometimes such anger in white gloves can be even more hurtful – indirect anger can express itself: through provoking others, through ‘quiet days’, through ignoring people.

15- 30
Moderate level of anger
Now we can sense our anger and express it more directly. Despite the fact that we do not scream or use violence we can seriously hurt another person because we are directly attacking the person’s sense of self-worth. We do this most often by blaming, embarrassing and insulting other people. The above behaviours often cause the atmosphere to heat up and consequently enter the two final phases of aggression.

30-60
Heated rage
Begins with expressing anger verbally by shouting, screaming and cursing. You need to know that it does not have to be that way, you can learn to communicate with others peacefully. And if you do need to scream out, go to a forest or into your basement. Others have the right to peace and you do not have the right to release your frustration on them.

When you reach the stage of making threats and demands a red light should appear. Know that the aim of this anger is power and control. From that stage there is a short way to violence – which means limiting somebody’s freedom. Most often during this stage scuffles and senseless accusations begin. Know that acts of violence are very harmful to others. Scuffles and accusations take away from the person their free will to chose what they want to do and where to be.

This is the last moment to stop. Do it now, before it is too late because a blind fury will take over you and you will loose control.

60 -100
Boiling fury
The aim of fury is destruction – we are then out of control. We loose it and there is nothing we can to about it now. It is good for our close ones to know when it is too late for talking, explaining, resorting to logic. A person taken over by fury must be left alone, the best way is to secure the surroundings so the person will not harm themselves or others. If you are being taken over by blind fury from time to time you have to seek advice!!

To explain the phenomenon of losing control during the eruption of fury it is necessary to describe how our brain works and shortly refer to the process of evolution. To simplify the matters a little bit, our brain consists of an ancient part – we share it with the animals at the lower stage of evolution. That part of the brain is quite straightforward – it is driven by a simple rule: fight or flee. Fortunately, during evolution we have become equipped with the so called ‘new brain’ (neo cortex), an evolutionary younger and more refined part of the brain. Anger which forms itself in the old part of the brain is then channelled to the new part which can take control of it. Neo cortex is responsible for logical thinking; therefore you can determine how to handle a given situation and what to do with that anger. Strong anger may, however, be a problem. For the new brain not to be overloaded sometimes conscious thinking shuts itself down. This saves us from going crazy. However, the side effect is that at times our anger it totally out of conscious control. So if you have problems with anger, it is your duty to be mindful not to lose control. Now you know the anger stages. Start from controlling the first, the coldest form of anger. Change the habit of blaming and insulting others as well. Most importantly, be mindful of the more heated forms of anger because they bring you closer to the point of boiling.

Helpful books:

Davis, M., Fanning, P. McKay, M. 1998. Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of your Moods in your Life. New Harbinger Publications.

Potter-Efron, R. 2005. Angry all the time: An Emergency control to anger control. New Harbinger Publications.

Eifert, G. H., McKay, M., Forsyth, J., 2006. Act on Life Not on Anger: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Guide to Problem Anger. New Harbinger Publications.

By Zuzanna Zelazny